Happy 60th Birthday to My Angel in Heaven

Happy Birthday to my angel in heaven on what would have been your 60th birthday. It’s hard for me to visualize you ever being 60-years old. Hell, I can’t visualize me being 53-years old today but funny how those calendar pages keep flipping.

You will forever be etched in my brain as a beautiful 25-year old woman full of life, promise, and eternal youth. Lucky you — you’ll never need plastic surgery or lifts of any kind.

Keeping it Real

I think of our last birthday celebration together often, and not because it was our last. But because it was so real. After celebrating all day with balloons, party hats, birthday cake, and endless visitors, I laid in your hospital bed that evening and we spent hours talking about what was to come for you – and for me. We talked about some heavy stuff that day; it still haunts me. It always amazed me how you were the one who would soon meet her ultimate fate yet, your concern for how Mama, Daddy and I would cope once you were gone was so much more. We were both so scared.

Through the years my anger and grief about the countless experiences we would never share was clear. High on the list was you not being at my wedding or at the birth of my amazing son. You would be so in love with Jack, and he with you.  But instead of dwelling on it – and full disclosure: a lot of therapy – I’ve let it go, mostly.

Instead, I focus on your last requests of me: enjoy life (even if you weren’t here with me anymore), never stop being who I am, and always make you proud. I think I’ve done this and more – probably a little more than you envisioned but hey, you were the perfect daughter, not me.

True Confessions

I know that my being born on your 7th birthday was not a highlight for you. I think you enjoyed receiving your Charmin’ Chatty Cathy doll better than my arrival that year. I’ll admit, I had my moments of not wanting to share my day with you either. But you and I were so blessed to have this day bond us forever.

True confessions time – I always wanted to be like you, and not just your 5’10 height. You were then and have always remained my hero, my inspiration, my voice of reason, my guiding light, my big sister, and most of all – my angel in heaven watching over me.

Happy 60th birthday, Celia Hannah.  You will always be in my heart, on this day and forever – and you will always look 25 years old to me. I love and miss you every day! xo

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Happy 60th Birthday to My Angel in Heaven

  1. How did you know I would cry.Your blog is beautiful.
    As I sit here tonight I can hear the two of you discussing
    everything,and I do mean EVERYTHING!
    I love and will always love my two girls For ever and ever.
    Xxxooo

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